Updated: Aug 21
“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” — Wayne Dyer
There have been times in my life where I felt I couldn’t catch a break; the days where I worked countless jobs for measly paychecks, stayed in toxic relationships for far too long, lived in hostile environments because I thought I had to, said “yes” when I really meant “no”…the list goes on.
I thought that people-pleasing meant I was loved and accepting mediocre was my only choice. I convinced myself that if I was a good person, worked really hard and treated others with kindness, I was on the right path and I would pave my way, little by little.
How many of us feel this way?
Here are some lies we tell ourselves and maybe you can relate:
* “I’ve been working here for 5+ years and I just got a promotion. It’s not my “dream job” but it pays the bills.”
* “Everybody gains weight in their late 20’s, after 30, it’s all down hill .”
* “I’m sooo busy. I don’t have time for a social life!"
* “Everybody cheats, it's not a big deal. Is monogamy even a thing anymore?
* “I’m so bad with money. I let (insert) handle all our finances.”
Sadly and oftentimes, it takes an unfortunate life event to shake us up and awaken us to the realization that we can’t go on living in this haze — something has to give or we will continue to attract LESS than we deserve.
After my divorce, I felt this cloud that I had been living under slowly start to dissipate; the veil was lifting. I did allllll the things; I journaled, did yoga, meditated, went to therapy, read a 100 self-help books, walked for miles a day, listened to podcasts, you name it. I was determined to flip my script.
During this soul search I came across a podcast where the hosts spoke on the concept of abundance vs. scarcity mindset. The terms abundance and scarcity mindset are coined by Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
This podcast episode blew my mind open. I had heard of these terms before and thought I understood them well enough, but I never stopped to think that I was part of the problem.
I came to the conclusion that I had been unconsciously living in a scarcity mindset. What was worse was that I had unknowingly developed a VICTIM’S mentality. Due to repressed emotions, learned behaviors and self-destructive thought patterns, I had adopted the outlook on life that the world was out to get me and it was my job to react. I had been living life with the motto “Life is tough, get a helmet” (I’m pretty sure this was in my 6th grade AIM profile at one point....yikes).
Tony Robbins encapsulates this mindset when he states the following in this article:
“The mind is not designed to make you happy, it’s designed to help you survive. It is always looking for what could hurt you, and it magnifies the bad. We are wired to operate out of a place of scarcity and fear.”
Caroline Castrillon further reflects on this concept in this Forbes article, when she says:
“Scarcity mentality refers to people seeing life as a finite pie, so that if one person takes a big piece, that leaves less for everyone else……. “a scarcity mentality is what keeps many of us from achieving our goals.”
After listening to this podcast episode, I felt the weight on my shoulders begin to feel lighter. Okay, I had identified the problem, now what? How do I attract MORE instead of LESS? How do I stop playing the “poor me” card? How do I invite in more: love, positivity, money, health, friendships, healthy relationships — ALL of it — into my life?
The following are 5 practices that I began implementing that have helped me begin operating at a higher frequency. If you’re ready to let go of old ways of thinking and attract MORE goodness into your life, continue reading. It helps that these are all backed by science, too ;)
1. PRACTICE GRATITUDE
I began my daily journaling and gratitude practice about four years ago. In the midst of one of the hardest seasons of my life, I believe that this simple exercise is the biggest contributor to my mental health, state of happiness and overall personal transformation.
I’ll never shut up about a gratitude practice because it’s the #1 thing you can start doing now and immediately feel its’ positive effects. If you aren’t grateful for what you already DO have, then God’s speed in your quest to attract more or better.
“Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics.
One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.”
There are many different ways to express gratitude. My favorite method is journaling (yeah, we know) and listing things I'm grateful for.
You can also express gratitude to others — shooting them a text, mailing them a letter (can we please bring back snail mail?) or just picking up the phone and letting them know you’re thinking about them. Never underestimate the power of a quick "I love you".
A key component of my daily gratitude practice includes reaching out to three people a day. By checking in on the people that I love, expressing gratitude for them or just seeing how they’re doing, I am (hopefully) making them feel good, and in return, I am making myself feel good. Maybe this small gesture inspires them to reach out to someone they care about and hopefully the daisy chain grows.
Other methods of gratitude practices include prayer, meditation, literally counting your blessings, whatever works for you.
If you haven’t tried it yet, test out a gratitude practice for 21 days. I would be very surprised if you didn’t notice a pep in your step and an overall sense of fulfillment after implementing this into your daily habits.
To sum it up, “You can’t be grateful and be a victim at the same time. Stop playing the blame game.” - Ed Mylett
2. CELEBRATE OTHERS’ WINS
If someone in your inner circle is crushing it at life, celebrate them! If your best friend just got a big raise at work and you’re still struggling to pay your bills, BE HAPPY FOR THEM! If your brother just bought his dream house and you’re still living in your parents’ basement eating pizza rolls, be happy for him! How amazing is it that you’ve surrounded yourself with such badasses? You can only hope that some of their badassery rubs off on you!
Rather than being a Debbie Downer because you feel so far from your finish line, maybe you could take some notes on how these big milestones were achieved so that you can copy & paste their methods for yourself!
But for real, it feels really good to feel good about others’ big achievements and happiness. The more we actively acknowledge and applaud others for their accomplishments, the closer we are to attracting some wins for ourselves; like energy attracts like energy.
Not only can you cheer on the people in your inner circle but you can give positive feedback to people you don’t even know! Leaving a comment on someone’s Instagram that you admire, writing a positive review for a book or podcast you loved, tagging people in your social media posts to show your appreciation — these are all amazing ways to cultivate an abundance mindset and overall good vibes. I am constantly sharing things I love with the people I love. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
The important thing to note here, is that someone else’s success does not diminish the chances of us arriving at our own prosperous futures.
Oprah says it best:
3. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
You know those people who just radiate positivity? The ones that make you feel better after having hung out with them? They seem to be floating around in their own golden bubble? Befriend those people. You need those people — they’re onto something.
Like one of my favorite authors, Julia Cameron, says: “Water seeks its own level and water rises collectively.”
AKA: good people find good people. Surround yourself with people who have the abundance mindset you are seeking and watch as you magically start to attract bigger and better.
If you look around and you're bummed out by your immediate circle, try making some new friends! Join a workout group or a book club, take up new hobbies, try out a new gym, join Facebook groups, whatever floats your boat -- just make moves. Life is too short to be drinking Bud Lights and playing Keno at your local bar every Sunday (no shade, I love a good Sunday Funday ;) ).
This doesn't mean that you need to abandon your high school besties - they will always be there for you - it just means that you are open to welcoming new connections and possibilities. I have different friend groups for different interests/hobbies and I love it! This is an underrated "strategy" that I believe delivers massive results, fast.
I found a great article in Entrepreneur where they back this one up:
“Just as you try to limit your negative influences, make sure you start spending time with positive ones. Surround yourself with positive, successful go-getters who are supportive and caring. Keep company with those who bring positive energy with them, and make sure you nurture and protect those relationships.
Bring your own good energy into your circle and help create a positive synergy that will permeate the group. Look for people who will tell you the truth, and will always be honest with you, but never out of spite or with a desire to bring you down.”
4. PUT YOURSELF IN THE POSITION FOR SUCCESS
Put yourself in win-win scenarios. In other words, if you’re good at something or have a particular interest in something, inject yourself into those situations.
* If you love running, go crush a 10K at 5:00AM before the rest of the world is awake and see how good you feel afterwards.
* If you’re really good with numbers but you’re an EA to some a**hole who can’t even spell your name right, what are you doing? Freshen up your resume and get a sick job in the financial district -- you deserve your own assistant!
* If you love cooking, chef up a delicious meal for your friends or family and bask in their praise at the dinner table.
The point is, this energy is going to carry you throughout the rest of your day and trickle down to the other mundane tasks you have to check off your to-do list.
Additionally, the more of these little “wins” we create for ourselves, the more our confidence boosts, enabling us to tackle some of the bigger things on our list, like starting our own business or moving across the country to start our dream life.
Perhaps it’s a trick the mind, but I’m telling you, it works. I set myself up for these mini wins every single day (finishing a book, going for a run, writing a blog post, making it to a yoga class, meditating, etc.).
When we put ourselves in the position for success, we are putting ourselves in positive scenarios with a likely positive outcome, thus attracting more positivity! It’s hard to feel discouraged, envious, or depressed when we’re consistently doing things we love, leveling up and smashing out goals we set for ourselves.
As six-time Olympic medalist and champion, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, says in this article:
"Put yourself in the position to win. To win in life, it will require as much mental strength as physical strength."
5. PRACTICE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
I’ll be honest, in all of my research, I didn’t see this one listed anywhere.
I was shocked to discover that being healthy (both mentally and physically) didn’t factor into creating an abundance mindset.
This is huge for me. I genuinely believe that your odds of cultivating an abundance mindset triple in likelihood if you are treating your mind and body right.
I realize this a touchy subject as many find the word “healthy” to be triggering. I get it — the definition of healthy is different for everyone and what is considered “healthy” for some, is not healthy for others. That being said, I believe the basic fundamentals of a healthy lifestyle apply to most of us and they are this: if you are feeding your body healthy, whole foods, exercising most days of the week, while keeping tabs on your mental state, you will feel infinitely better than if you are not doing these things.
An abundance mindset stems from a healthy mindset. If you’re eating well and moving your body, you are producing serotonin and endorphins, or, happy hormones. “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” -- name that movie.
When we implement the tools necessary to shape a healthy life, we are positioning ourselves to succeed, further propelling ourselves toward an ABUNDANT life filled with boundless opportunity and infinite happiness.
I hope you enjoyed this post!
My hope in writing this is that you have a conversation with yourself.
We've all been dealt some crappy cards in life but regardless of your situation, you don't have to continue living in the same fight or flight mindset that helped you survive when you were younger; life is about transition, change, fluidity, malleability.
There is a massive shift that can and will occur, if you let it.
“That’s what it takes to get what you want. Not big scary leaps once a year. It takes small, but irritating moves every single day.” -Mel Robbins
Until next time!
** All photos are from @pinterest **